New York City. Population 8,336,697. Average monthly rent of a one bedroom apartment within Manhattan, $3129. Finding friendship within the city, priceless! I think one will never know the true meaning of friendship until all the lights around came crashing down. It certainly happened to me. Let me see, where should I start? Last year, I lost my job and then my apartment in Manhattan. When you take a closer look at it, it was pretty much a clusterfuck. Then I counted on the friends whom I thought were my friends and what happened next was, I think you already the answer. Another series of disappointments. As soon as 90 percent of my so called friends found out about my misfortune, they literally avoided me, some have deleted me on facebook, some have stopped responding to my text messages. I realized that deep within a metropolis island of 8 million people, the definition of true friendship can be unforgiving and nothing but a cold silence. Despite that, I still have friends who stuck by me and I feel grateful for that. But one Friday night, something unusual happened. In order to rescue myself from the boredom of Friday night, not to mention that my temp assignment at midtown office just ended unexpectedly. I tried to live by the motto that goes, I work to live, never live to work. So I went to Home Sweet Home, a bar/dance club in Lower East Side. The DJ started spinning dance tracks from the 60’s then mashing it up with today’s techno shit music, from The Beatles to LMFAO. I ran into a guy named Markus from Stockholm who works as a wine delivery guy in West Village and also happens to sell a variety of drugs. I mentioned to him that I never did mushrooms before, while me and Markus were talking about psychedelic mushrooms, a red headed girl dressed in skanky clothes, overheard us and offered me and him a bottle of vodka at her apartment on 2nd Avenue in exchange to partake in the mushroom session. Markus and I accepted her offer after she brought three tequila shots for us. Her name was Vicky, she works as a stripper at Cheetah’s gentlemen’s club in Midtown. She recently moved here from Colorado to become an actress on Broadway. And I think she’s not that far from her job as a stripper. After all, dancing around a silver pole in front of lonely men is also a form of art. So we went back to her apartment, a small yet modest studio apartment on 2nd Avenue and 10th Street. Markus took out his jar of mushrooms and Vicky immediately dove in. Then I took some and then Markus finished the rest of it, an average amount I would say. During the first hour, I immediately noticed that I was in a different dimension, a mix of head high and body high, We were all sitting by on the carpeted floor full of pillows. Then Vicky started freaking out, she first lashed out at me and Markus.

“Oh god, what’s happening?! You guys both are trying to fuck me!? Vicky said.

“What are you talking about? Markus and I are just having a good time here..” I said.

“Yeah, just try to enjoy the moment.” Markus said.

“You’re trying to fuck me too!” Vicky yelled at him.

“Well, if that’s okay, I do want to fuck you..” He replied.

“Shut the fuck up!” She screamed.

“Vicky calm down..” I said.

Vicky now looks totally high and paranoid.

“You are trying to fuck me too! Maybe I should call my friend Karen, oh no wait! I can’t go to her apartment because she will try to fuck me too! I am so fucked!”

While I was observing her behavior, I realized that she’s fuckin’ up the mushroom high that me and Markus are having so I decided to leave. I guess Markus was horny so he decided to stay and take all the paranoid bullshit that Vicky was saying to him.

“Are you sure you want to stay?” I asked.

“Yeah, she’s all alone and I don’t want to leave her.” He replied.

“You mean you want to fuck her?”

“No, it’s not like that. I want to stay because I want to make sure that she’s okay.”

“What’s happening?! What’s happening here?! I think I need to go to the hospital, I feel sick, no I can’t go there! They will all try to fuck me!” Vicky screamed again.

“She practically ruined my mushroom high and I don’t want to be here right now.” I said to Markus.

“I think I will just stay until she gets sober.” Markus answered.

“Well, I’m gonna go now, and thank you for the mushrooms!” I said.

I then left and realized that I have no couch to crash on! I left most of my stuff at a friend’s apartment in Long Island City, Queens and right now I don’t have a choice but to head back there and figure out where to crash next. So I hopped on the 7 train and got off on Queens Plaza stop. Judy allowed me to stay on her couch that early morning around 3 AM, I could tell she’s mad that I called her during that time to crash at her place.

The next day, I decided to take a walk in Soho, around Lafayette Street. I took a seat by the window at Starbucks on Astor Place. While I was checking my email on my BlackBerry, I found some replies from Craigslist. Then I asked myself, what the fuck did I just do last night?! As I opened the email, I found out that around 5 AM, I apparently placed an ad on the strictly platonic section of Craigslist. I sure don’t remember placing the ad, but I do remember getting home in Long Island City and pissing off my friend Judy and that’s about that. I obviously blacked out during the last hour of my mushroom high. According to the ad which I placed unconsciously, I was looking for friends here in New York City who aren’t afraid of being themselves when making new friends. I got three responses. One from an Upper East Side housewife in her mid-thirties named Candice Oxford, Darren Tillman, A Wall Street stockbroker from England in his late thirties, and Megan, a twenty one year old from Arizona who recently moved here in New York. They all agreed to meet me at the Grassroots Tavern at St. Mark’s Place. I was a little hesitant to meet them that day, but fuck it! I might as well enjoy the ride that I created myself. I was expecting a lot of crazy shit, like what if they’re not the people they described themselves to be. Or what if they’re a bunch of psychos?! Oh what the hell! I’ll be meeting all of them at a bar, it’s not like I’m meeting them at an isolated farm in Texas. I kept telling myself to relax that day, I will be meeting the three of my “new friends” around 7 PM.

I arrived at Grassroots Tavern around 6:30 PM and immediately sat down near the bar. Around 6:45 PM, I saw woman, wearing an expensive fur coat, her diamond earrings and necklace glitters on her neck and face. Her coiffed up blonde hair, meticulously styled by her hairdresser, and her face perfectly touched with fifth avenue cosmetics. She sat down next to me at the bar and I pretended that I don’t see her.

“Strictly Platonic?” She asked.

“Excuse me?” I replied.

“Are you here for the strictly platonic ad?”

“Oh yes, I’m Lorenzo by the way”

I got up from my chair and shook her hand. She gave me a firm handshake.

“I’m Candice, Candice Oxford!”

“Nice to meet you Candice!”

“Yeah, well to tell you the truth, I have no idea why I answered this stupid ad! I guess I just want to see what kind of freaks show up for things like this. And also the fact that I was high on Vicodin!”

I grinned a little bit.

“What’s so funny?” She asked with a serious face.

“Nothing, it’s kind of amusing because I was also high when I posted this ad on craigslist!”

“Really? On what?”

“Mushrooms”

Candice giggled.

“Do you have anything left?”

“Oh God no, I wish! But I had bittersweet high..”

“How so?”

“The first half an hour was great but one friend got paranoid and fucked it all up from me! She thought I wanted to fuck her… Which I found ridiculous because she’s not even my type!”

“Oh yeah? What is your type then?”

“I don’t know, someone like you maybe”

Candice laughed so hard and showed me her right hand with a solid gold wedding ring along with other diamond rings.

“Oh honey, I would love to fuck you but I’m already married, I wish some guy would be able to take my husband’s place but it seems impossible for everyone!”

This time I laughed my ass off at her.

“What makes it impossible?”

“Well, for starters, my husband gives me a million dollars in cash for my birthday each year and because of him I never have to work a single day in my life! Now do you really think that a peasant, I mean an average guy can do that?!”

I realized that she’s a woman who married for money if I’m not mistaken or stumbled upon a man who’s got a lot of money and needed a woman to help him spend it.

“I guess not every guy can do that but I sure know how to give you multiple orgasms!”

I started touching her legs and then some guy wearing a designer suit disrupted our conversation. He’s probably about in his late thirties, definitely a hedge fund dude.

“Behold! I’m Darren Tillman, I’m from England and I’m supposed to meet a bunch of bloody friends for a strictly platonic ad!”

I immediately noticed his cockney accent, he’s from London.

“Hi Darren, I’m Lorenzo and this is Candice.”

“A pleasure to meet you Lorenzo, and Candice, how much do you charge for an hour?”

“I beg your pardon?!” Candice retorted.

“For an hour of shag? How much?!”

Candice immediately slapped Darren. I stepped between their confrontation and tried to ease the tension.

“Guys please! Didn’t we come here because we all want to be friends? Come on now!” I said.

“Step back away from me Tillman! My husband is one of the beasts of Wall Street! Behave yourself or you’ll never work in this town again!” Candice yelled at Darren.

Darren stepped back from Candice and looked worried for a bit. A girl in her early twenties walked in the bar and immediately noticed us. She comes over and stares at the three of us.

“Oh great! An Addams family reunion…” She said.

“Strictly platonic?” I asked her.

“Yes, I’m Megan.” She answered.

“Nice to meet you Megan, welcome to the freak show!” Candice exclaimed.

I laughed again at the fucking situation. Darren shamelessly reached out to shake hands with Megan.

“Hello darling, I’m Darren, it’s lovely to meet you.” He said.

“Lovely to meet you too!”

“Tell me sweetheart, do you accept cash or credit?” He asked her.

Megan looked baffled.

“Darren, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” I asked him.

“What? It was a serious question.” He answered.

“Okay, I think I have the answer to your question… I accept credit cards for private shows.”

Darren started nodding his head, looking excited.

“And I don’t fuck for money, I only dance for it!”

Darren’s face then looked sad realizing that not even his money could get him to fuck her. Candice started laughing at him. For some strange reason, I realized that the company that I was in during that moment may not be perfect but one thing is for certain, I just got myself a group of interesting characters to hang out with!

TO BE CONTINUED…